My Whole Story
by CBGirl
Summary: Rewrite of Jolex's final scene in 12x23. For day 2 of Jolex week on tumblr.


This is a reworking of the final jolex scene in ep 12x23. I can't make the, 'Jo's already married', story fit in with how she's previously been portrayed within her relationship with Alex. After the proposal at April's wedding she tells Alex she's not ready, in 12x3 she asks what she is in reference to Alex saying Izzie was his wife implying (at least to me anyway) that she does want more, and after the second proposal she tells him to keep the ring. In none of these situations does she act like a woman who is currently married/unable to get married. So here is one possible alternative to their story. This is very dialogue heavy.

* * *

 **My Whole Story**

Alex's heart began to pound as he dug in his pocket for his keys. Tonight was the night. He was going to get his answer from Jo. It had to be yes; surely she would say yes. He had been more attentive; he had her back; she had to see that. They had been in a really good place. He was ready. All the marriage talk buzzing around the hospital that day made him realize he was ready. He needed an answer tonight.

Opening the door to the loft, he cringed. The smoke alarm was blaring, and smoke was rolling out of a pan on the stove. He hurried across the room grabbing the pan and dumping it in the sink. He wasted no time, "I'm ready, Jo."

"Uh yeah, I'm starving too," she pulled the takeout menus out of the drawer, "Should I order..."

"No," he interrupted her, "Thats not what I mean. I'm ready to get married." Jo froze. "I've proposed twice and you've put me off. You haven't given me an answer. I need to know; will you marry me, Jo?"

She slowly turned to face him with a stricken look on her face, "Alex, I..."

"I've been here for you, Jo. I've done better," he hated the desperate plea in his voice.

"You've been great, Alex, it's just.. I don't.. I don't know if I can," tears rimmed her eyes.

"Of course you can," he argued stepping closer to her, "It doesn't have to be right now. I just need to know you want this, that you're in this. I don't need anything big; I just need you," emotion choked his voice.

"I am Alex. I'm in this all the way," her eyes were wide and honest, the desperation in her voice matching his, "But you don't know the whole story, my whole story," she croaked out.

"What do you mean?"

"I.. nobody knows.. I've never told anyone," she stumbled to the couch sitting down before her shaking legs gave out and she collapsed.

"What are you talking about?" he rounded the couch face scrunched in confusion.

She couldn't keep it from him anymore. She had to tell him, but how? After so many years how did she reveal her deepest darkest secret, the biggest mistake of her life? It terrified her to open up, to expose her past. But the thought of losing Alex terrified her even more. It was Alex; she could trust him.

Jo sighed and then dove in as memories assaulted her:

"I guess you would say it was a whirl wind romance. We met move-in day my senior year in college. I had a scholarship to cover my housing so I was one of the few upperclassmen that lived in the dorms. My roommate from the previous year had decided to move into an apartment with her boyfriend. He was helping his little sister, my new roommate, move in. We hit it off right away. He helped me unload my car; he didn't know I had just spent the last three months living in that car. He was sweet and charming, successful...and handsome. He came from one of the most well-known political families in New England and was set to carry on the legacy.

We were almost inseparable from that day on. When Thanksgiving rolled around, for the first time I didn't have to spend the holiday alone in my dorm or in my car. He brought me home to celebrate with his family. He was so proud of me. By that time he knew all about my past; he knew I was a homeless foster kid. He said it made me strong and praised all that I had accomplished. I know now, it was just an act."

Jo sat stone-faced staring at the floor recounting the story in a monotone. Alex couldn't believe what he was hearing and feared where it was going, but he listened attentively trying to stay calm, somehow knowing he wouldn't like the outcome of this particular story.

"After dinner, he proposed, right there in front of his whole family. And I had never been happier. I loved him, I really did. It was a fairy tale coming true, one I never had hoped to dream of for myself. Christmas Eve we got married on a beach in Jamaica. Just three months after we had met we were married. I was such an idiot. But I was in love and thought he was all I ever wanted. We were happy and going to be together forever."

Jo let out a humorless laugh as tears spilled down her face unchecked. Alex cringed. She'd been married? All these years they'd been together and she had never said anything? He popped up off the couch and agitatedly began to pace. He should just go. Who was he kidding? If she had kept this from him...

She continued, unaware of Alex's inner turmoil. "The honeymoon was great; he kept up his sweet, doting husband act. But as soon as we returned home everything changed. He changed. He wasn't the man I had met and fell in love with. He let his true colors shine."

Alex stopped. He had to hear her out. She was curled into the side of the couch trembling. He wanted to reach out to her, but she was too deep in her nightmare; he was afraid to startle her, afraid it wasn't him she would be seeing.

"It started out with just verbal abuse. He would berate and belittle me. His favorite term for me became 'dumb bitch'. He told me I didn't need to go to medical school, I would never hack it anyway; I just needed to be the pretty lady on his arm. And then it happened; he was throwing a super bowl party and I bought the wrong dip. He hit me in the stomach. But he was so apologetic after; he always was. He was stressed with a new job and a new wife he was trying to take care of. And it seemed so sincere, and I loved him, everyone did. I forgave him over and over again.

At first he was careful to only hit me where no one would see. But the longer it went on the more careless he got. I became an expert at explaining away bruises and sprains."

Alex closed his eyes biting his lip against the bile rising in his throat.

"It was during finals week, I had been studying at the library, because I couldn't study at home with him. He was so pissed when I got home. When he attacked me that time, I couldn't take it anymore. He's the second guy I put in the hospital."

Jo's voice got quiet. Alex snapped his eyes to her face, eyebrows raised in shock.

"I took my last exam, pawned my ring, and hired a lawyer. It was easy for me to compile evidence of his abuse over the months. My medical records annotated numerous broken ribs, strains, and sprains and notes from nurses encouraging me to press charges. No one believed me when I denied being abused. We found a sympathetic judge willing to grant me a quicky divorce. He didn't dispute it or press charges, because he knew I had a stronger case and would counter. He couldn't let it get out that his crazy ex-wife kicked his ass, so his family made up some story about him being mugged. The family couldn't risk the bad press. I'm sure they fabricated a real good story as to where I disappeared to, I don't know, I didn't stick around.

I walked across the stage at graduation and kept right on walking. My lawyer hooked me up with a battered women's shelter and the domestic violence advocate there helped me change my identity. That's the day I became Josephine Alice Wilson. I couldn't take the chance of him ever finding me.

I was told then to never ever tell anyone about my history. I could never let anyone know about my past identity, that I had ever been someone else. And I didn't, not until today." She finally turned her head and met Alex's eyes. "I'm so sorry, Alex. I love you, and I do trust you, but every time I tried to tell you my throat closed up in fear, and I couldn't force the words out. I have too much to lose if he finds me."

"Oh, Jo," his voice broke. He had known her past was dark and she'd lived through a nightmare, but he had no idea how horrible it had been. He wanted to be mad that she had kept everything from him, but he understood. It was a lifetime ago; she had built a whole new life. The information in the wrong hands would destroy her. His heart ached for her. Slowly, cautiously, he approached her and wrapped his arms around her. He let her cry into his chest while he murmured comforting words into her ear. He assured her that she was safe now, that she was safe with him, and that he loved her.

"I know you're not him. I know you would never hurt me, but when I think of marriage my heart starts pounding and I can't breathe. I want to marry you, but I am frozen in fear." She pulled back a little but still wouldn't look in his face. She smoothed out his shirt where it was wrinkled from being clutched so tightly in her fists, "I keep telling myself I just need more time, but it's been years," she started to softly cry again. "I can usually push it all out of my mind. I have moved on with my life. I'm in a good place...until something triggers me, and I'm right back in that nightmare."

Alex grasped her chin gently and tilted her face up, "You're here now; you're safe, and you're never going back there again. You've got me, and I'm not going anywhere." She gave him a small teary smile. "I know now; I can help you. I'll help you move past this. It's enough, for now, for me to know that you do want to marry me."

"Thank you, Alex," she cupped the back of his neck and raised up on her toes to meet his lips. He was being so kind, so understanding. It was more than she had hoped for. She had hope now, that just maybe they had a chance, maybe they could have the future he dreamed of. She was confident she could move past her fears with his help. For the first time in so many years she felt a weight off of her chest, and she felt like she could breathe freely.

"We can take things as slow as you'd like, as slow as you need... But will you go ahead and...um...wear the ring?" he asked hesitantly not wanting to push her too hard.

A bright smile lit up her face, "Yes."

Finally, the answer he had been waiting for.


End file.
